I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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