Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
