I've blown a few things in my day
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
