I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
