Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
