just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
