Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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