No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
