Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
