Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
