So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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