Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
