That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
