You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
