Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
