i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
