No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
