after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
