she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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