in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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