maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
