Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
