This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
