I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
