Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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