you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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