so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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