I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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