Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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