I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
