I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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