Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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