Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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