Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
