think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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