Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
