Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
