apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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