Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
