I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
