I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
