just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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