I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
