this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
