I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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