What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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