honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
