I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
