It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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