his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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